Make out with DJ Mustard
Thinking of taking your nuclear family out for small plates? It’s a risk that honestly, even I wouldn’t consider — tapas generally involve vegetables, unusual combinations, and not a flank steak in sight. Not ideal for fathers and people who purchase TGI Friday’s-based potato chips. But if you commit, here’s a small sample (lol) of Dad’s typical…
Phelps smokes a doob in front of all of America and still gets to compete in the honorable 2016 Olympics in Rio, Brazil?! Was that a fucking joke??
“Her pantsuits are dumb.” “I heard she’s a lesbian.” “My mom told me she’s a lesbian.” “My friend told me she’s a lesbian.” “She didn’t bring anything to the pot luck I hosted — WTF? Who does that? I mean we had enough food but … it’s rude. She could’ve at least brought like, pita…
“Oh shit, were you saying something? Sorry there was a Pikachu in your lap,” you’ll find yourself saying to your boss during your performance review.
“Where’s Ben Stiller?”
No fashion emergencies here, boys and girls, just citizens who know how to somehow cling on to the fleeting mistress that we call life.
How do I find balance in this wild world?